Hi all!

I changed up my URL – it is now Go follow me over there for your regular dose of sarcasm peppered into a lifestyle blog.



Black Friday prep time

How to get yourself ready for Black Friday, as told by a shopping veteran.

THE HOLIDAY OF MY PEOPLE IS UPON US (my people are all you fellow shopaholics). Black. Effing. Friday. The day where we push and shove for good deals, the day after we stuffed our faces and give thanks for our family. I look forward to this day ALL YEAR LONG. But we aren’t prepping for the sales yet, no no. That time will come.  But first, young grasshoppers, you must be physically and emotionally ready for the madness that is to come.

First, 3 cardinal rules:

  • You do not shop on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is for the three F’s: food, family, and football.  You do not shop on Thanksgiving, and you do not support businesses who force those to work and be away from their family on a holiday.  The sales will be there Friday.  You will wait for them.  Note: this does not apply to online sales, so feel free to take a break from the family fighting and buy some things for yourself.

  • You will bring a partner(s)

Now, this can be anyone.  My partners are my sisters and my mom, and my cousin has recently joined us.  This works out well, because we can shop in teams, and always leave someone with my middle sister when she inevitably gets tired after an hour. And then I can leave them when I get frustrated with how DAMN SLOW they walk. This IS a sprint people, lets act like it.

  • You will have a game-plan

You NEED TO BE PREPARED. This is essential, and that also means scouting out stores and sales in advance.  If you are one of those people who “goes to watch the fights” or just goes with nothing in mind, this will be a failure.  There are too many people, and these people just had to deal with their in-laws, and they will fight you if you are in their way. Know what you are looking for. Know what you want to buy and who you are buying for.  Know that it is acceptable if they only person you are buying for is you.

Black Friday essentials:

  • Small bag, preferably a cross body

I know I know. Normally a tote would make sense. But hear me out. With a cross body, your bag is close to you at all times in the chaos. I️t also provides you with free hands so you can look through piles of clothes, stacks of toys, or passive aggressively navigate your way through the crowds. Plus, you can hold more shopping bags without having to also worry about what hand your bag is in. This black Rebecca Minkoff bag is my FAVORITE.  Its big enough to hold all my crap, but tiny enough not to get in everyone’s way when I am maneuvering around them because standing still seems like a good idea to them.

  • Fully loaded Starbucks card

This is with the assumption that you’re going to be battling some sort of hangover, whether it be alcohol, food, or family.  You’re going to need a lot of caffeine to get through this.  Venti, multiple shots, you know the drill.

  • A good reliable chapstick

aid chap stick, and not lip gloss.  HYDRATION PEOPLE. Hydration is the name of the game. You don't need some sticky gloss getting all over the sweater you want to buy that you had to pull out of that mountain of clothes on the table. My favorite, which I have talked about before, is the Dior Addict Lip Glow Color Reviver. Yes I know, it looks like a gloss. But it is a really moisturizing lip color that also reacts with your natural lip color. Hydration AND cute, wins all around.

  • iPhone power pack

Ok ok I lied a little about this being a sprint – it is also a marathon.  If you do it right, this is gonna be a long day.  All our iPhone batteries suck, its part of the price we pay in exchange for our souls to Apple every single year. I use this Mophie.  It works pretty well, but you can also get one of those cheap ones for under $10.  They work just fine.

  • Lotion

Its winter. Its COLD AF out.  And your skin gets dry. This L’Occitaine stuff is THE BOMB. I’m a 90s baby, I say things like this, deal with it.  Its got a huge cult following that I wasn’t buying, until I got a sample of this baby. Its the real deal, and perfect for the winter months.

There you have it – all the shit you need to survive Black Friday, the holiest of shopping days.  What else gets you all through the biggest shopping day? Let me know!

Follow me on instagram!<<<<<<<

Trend Tuesday: designers are trying to sell you ordinary things and it’s BS

Designers are trying to oversell you on crap you already have in your home.

IDK why – but some high end designers are trying to sell you some ordinary shit but call it fancy and charge you the blood of your enemies and your firstborn child.  Listen, I’ll sell my soul for a Celine trapeze bag, but like, everyday shit? You better believe I am looking for a sale. I’m not trying to go broke over here, even if my spending habits say otherwise.  And that’s just for things I need – like food, work clothes so I don’t look like a hobo, student loan bills despite my lack of use of my degrees, etc.  But like, things I will neverrrr use? Forget it.  Especially when its like, things I would throw away.  Why are we wasting money and resources on this? Let’s take a look at this questionable design choices.


Ah, Tiffany’s.  The jewelry choice of every middle school girl in the 2000’s. Everyone and their mother had those “Please return to Tiffany’s” tag bracelets.  The brand has evolved since then, and now it includes what they are calling “Everyday Objects”.  Its exactly how it sounds – they are normal things, not very special. Except the price tag.

Check this out.  Here is a crazy straw.  Yes, it is very different than the ones you get in a 12 pack for little kid birthday parties goodie bags (side note – can we get an adult version of those?). BUT WHO IS PAYING $250 FOR THESE?! Not rhetorical, I want to know if you’ve purchased this. So we can be friends/get married.  You know, casual. See where things go.  On the other hand, I can almost get behind this. Its whimsy, its cute. A nice conversation starter. Not very useful.

Ah look, an ice cream scoop.  That costs $375.  I’m not cheap, but if I’m paying that much for an ice cream scoop, it better come with unlimited Halo Top for life.  Also, if we are friends and you put this on your wedding registry, so help you god.

BUT – IT GETS BETTER. Or worse, depending on your perspective.

Yup. Its a protractor.  A fucking. $425. Protractor.  Now, other than elementary school kids and maybe architects, IDK who is using these things.  If you are an architect, then maybe this is a cute gift.  If you are buying this for your 3rd grader, I am judging the shit out of you.

There are more of these, but this was all I could emotionally handle. Check them out for yourself and let me know which is your favorite, or the worst one, if they’re not the same.


Now, Moschino has been a favorite fashion house of mine.  They have been whismy as well in recent collections, and their play on McDonald’s I thought was super cute and fun. Their runway looks are always a highlight of any fashion week, and I envy all their RTW that I see on every housewives show.  Looking at you, Erica Jane. But THIS, this is not ok.

Yes, this is a dress that looks like a dry-cleaning bag.  Its being sold for the small price of almost $900. What could have been just a nice runway look, they are now trying to make happen.  Stop trying to make fetch happen Moschino, its not going to happen. Let us also note that this comes with no slip.  You are literally buying a dry-cleaning bag, and that’s it.

If that is just a tad out of your price range, you always have this option.  Which essentially is a black dress that looks like its trying to strangle you with a dry cleaning hanger. Cute.

If anyone has tried these on, or even better, purchased any of these, let me know in the comments. So we can be friends.  Because clearly you have a lot of disposable income, and I have a lot of debt.

Women Entrepreneurs who EFFING GET IT

Lets discuss some BAMF female business owners, and the quality products that magically end up at my door.

I’ve always been a feminist, before I even truly knew what the word meant. I️ can probably trace it back to my love for the Spice Girls and all things girl power, if we are being honest. (FYI- feminism really just means equality for women. Like. So men and women can be equal. Not that men are the devil. EQUALITY. Just so we are all on the same page. Moving on). I also love shopping, jewelry, the F bomb, sarcasm, and all things girly. So when I find a company that not only incorporates all of these things and speaks to my soul but is ALSO run by a BAMF female, I lose my shit. In a good way. And I’ve found a few of them lately that not only are female run from the ground up, but have quality products. I can attest to that because I’ve bought a few from each company. (Note – this is not a sponsored post BUT DOES CONTAIN ONE AFFILIATE LINK where I can earn points if you buy from Metal Marvels, but merely me giving credit to women who are awesome and have my credit card on file)

Metal Marvels A company run by a bad ass named Katie, Metal Marvels specializes in jewelry and accessories.  Sounds pretty standard, right? WRONG. Metal Marvels has a line called Expletives (R) which features adorable bangles with a lot of curse words on them. But it’s not just random swearing all the time, so many of them sport words of encouragement and empowerment. And a few of them just have the F word all over them, which of course I love.  I even bought a necklace of hers that says the same.  If cursing isn’t your thing (in which case, I am not sure how you made it this far in my blog, but thanks for not judging!) there are many others that do not have any cusses on them, but are just are wonderful.  So many of the bangles have female positive mantras on them, while others simply say things like “Dog mom AF”, so there’s something for everyone. I currently own 2 bangles and a necklace, and have another bangle en route to me as we speak.  Its safe to say I’m a fan.

Not only do the words on these bangles (and mugs!) speak to my soul, but they are amazing quality.  They are adjustable but not the cheap kind where you tighten it once and then its ruined.  These are good quality that you can wear daily depending on whats written on them and how chill your HR department is.  She also ships SO QUICK which for an impatient brat like me, is a nice added bonus.  Plus, if you join her VIP mailing list, she sends out coupon codes so you can feel less guilty about your online shopping habit.  Metal Marvels keeps teasing some new products that are coming Black Friday, so def head over to her site and sign up ASAP.  ‘Tis the season….for shopping. Duh.

Evil QueenEvil Queen, run by Ida, makes candles with a LOT of sass. Obviously, that’s something I love and appreciate. The names of the candles are super witty (ex. Bitches who Brunch, Exhale the Bullshit, Calm Down, etc.).  But also – these smell AMAZING. Not overpowering, but also just so good.  I recently purchased two, Dog Mom (because duh) and Wisdom (because I am a huge nerd. Judge me for it, see how that one goes). The Wisdom candle is from her Harry Potter inspired line. Its a gorgeous candle, and the juniper and mint scent combo is perfection.

These candles are SUPER CUTE, and are also handmade.  Like, not mass produced.  It gives it a nice special touch, I think.  Especially since i am not that talented or patient to learn how to make candles.  And like, GOOD candles at that. They are also made from soy wax, making them vegan and non toxic. That’s PERFECT for all you bougie millennials out there. Environmentally friendly and cute – those are some wins all around. And look at the little inspirational cards with each candle! Ugh. You can never have enough candles, right? Because my room is about to be filled.

CZNDCZND is a company that is centered around strong women.  They partner with women entrepreneurs, celebs, and influencers to develop their products. And let me tell you, their products are bad. ass.  From notebooks to mugs to candles (made by Evil Queen!), they really have something for everyone.  They even have a Legally Blonde line, and of course I had to grab something from there.  I try to emulate Elle Woods on the regular so it was a must.  Not to mention a line in collaboration with Bethenny Frankel, who is a BOSS in every single right.  She’s also doing a shit ton for Puerto Rico right now, which is incredible.  Check it out.

Not only do they have cute and inspiring apparel and accessories, they just recently came out with a fitness line called “The Body Department” and you bet your ASS next payday I will be buying their “f*ck off” leggings.  If a company is really trying to get me to buy their products, this is the way to do it. Literally combine all of my favorite things into products that I will actually use.  You’ve done it, CZND.  My bank statement will start to know your name more often, That’s for sure.

And there you have it – three women centered companies that I am crushing on.  Know any other companies I should check out? Love these? Comment and let me know!

The Black Friday Pre-game: the sales before the storm

We will get to this, I promise you, but Black Friday is easily my favorite day of the year. But as we know, the Christmas Creep is REAL (and I am an integral part of that)  Your favorite stores are taking notice. The calendar JUST turned to November and my inbox is inundated with sale emails. And trust me, I am not complaining. Let’s discuss a few that are sure to make your bank balance a little lower, shall we?

Bloomingdales private sale

This one is pretty good – $25 off every $100 you spend. With of course, exceptions. But even with the exclusions, its a pretty good deal. And if you are a Bloomies Loyalist, you get a $25 gift card for every $100 you spend. So its ALMOST like they are paying you to shop. Almost. Plus, triple loyalist points.  And then you can use those giftcards to do some Christmas shopping for later.  See me justifying this for you? Good. Sale starts November 6th online, November 7th in stores.  Use code PRIVATE for the deal.  Get shopping lovies.

Jonathan Adler – Entertaining essentials

Are you entertaining for the holidays? In-laws planning on overstaying their welcome? Throwing friendsgiving? Holiday party? Just really festive? Any one of these is fine – head over to Jonathan Adler.  No code needed, everything is already marked down on the site from now until November 8th.  Now if you will excuse me, there is a zebra stacking dish calling my name…

Gap – friends & family

Time to stock up on those winter staples!  Currently 40% off everything online, 50% off in stores.  So if you hate people, you still get a good deal. Might be worth subjecting yourself to human contact for the discount, though…

Kate Spade – extra 30% off sale

Now, this is a good one.  Kate Spade makes SUCHHH cute things, and they make great gifts for the holidays.  Whether those gifts are for a friend or for you is not my decision nor is it my business. The choice is yours.  Act fast though, this only lasts until November 5th.  Enter in DELICIOUS at check out.

Sephora VIB event

ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR SEPHORA JUNKIES! Sephora has released the dates for their 20% off VIB sale.  If you’re a VIB Rouge, yours already started.  If you’re like me and are just a little bit poor and haven’t hit that level yet, the VIB sale starts November 10th and goes to November 15th.  So start window shopping and liking items.  Now is a good time to stock up or buy gifts.  For yourself.  Everything I will be buying from this sale will be for me, and I’m not sorry.

And this is just the warm up for the big day, girl scouts.  Get ready.  Get some early shopping done. Treat. Your. Self.

Did I miss any good ones?! Anything you’re dying to by? Let me know in the comments!

(note: this was not a sponsored post)

Unpopular Opinion: Halloween sucks

As my previous unpopular opinion post was about how much I hate the fall, this really shouldn’t come as a surprise. The fall gives me PTSD for unknown reasons, and the changing of the leaves makes me angry to my core. For a November baby, I’ve just never been a fan of the season. This includes Halloween. In fact, my hatred for the season has a lot to do with Halloween. I basically pray all October for it to be over and my least favorite holiday to come to an end. It’s two fold – I hate the holiday with every fiber of my being, but also November 1st officially starts Christmas season. Yes, I am part of the Christmas creep problem. And I will wear that like a damn badge of honor.

But really, especially as an adult, Halloween isn’t that great. There’s a lot of downsides to it, despite the ever present abundance of candy. Here are some of the main reasons Halloween is a garbage holiday.

Orange is no one’s color

“Whoever said orange is the new pink is seriously disturbed” – Elle Woods, my lord and savior.

Seriously though, why is EVERYTHING ORANGE?! Literally everything you know and love turns orange in the month of October. It’s not a cute color, and it needs to stop. It’s obnoxious and not in a good way.

Everything is unnecessarily horrible colors

While we are on the subject of orange being no one’s color, its like, October 1st hits and BAM! Everything is orange. is. Orange. And green. And purple.  And puke colored green. This mainly goes for things that should NEVER be that color, ever.

Take this zombie Frappucino from my usual house of worship, Starbucks. Its bright green, and uglyyyy. I am sure it tastes fine, but WHY DO WE NEED THIS?! And the whipped cream. I love the color pink, but I don’t want to drink something that color.  And I am farrrrr from someone who eats all natural shit, trust me.

Candy from strangers is a good thing?

Listen. The state of the world is strange. The movie IT made a comeback. Last year there were clowns trying to coax kids into the woods. We really want to send the kids out to people’s houses for candy in 2017? Not to mention everyone is on the organic kick and I don’t think snickers meets that requirement. Let’s take a year off this tradition, shall we? Kind of like when NJ cancelled Halloween. Yea. That happened. Google it. It was a nightmare.

Also this was confirmed to be fake but is also WHAT MY NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF. SALAD?! NO THANKS.

The god damn revealing costumes for women

Listen, I obviously subscribe to the Mean Girls theory of Halloween being the one time of year you can dress however you want and no one can say shit to you, because its a costume. But I literally JUST STARTED working on my winter bod, and now you want me to wear a costume that is basically a bathing suit? NAH BRO. Not gonna happen.  Plus, regardless of whatever Indian Summer we may be having in the northeast, it is ALWAYS FREEZING Halloween weekend.  Its like mother nature knows, and wants us to suffer.

Listen, I could go on and on, but at this point it’s just making me more angry. Also hate Halloween? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be back Wednesday when I magically find my will to live again on November 1st.

The Rebecca Minkoff Sample Sale Did Me Dirty

So I think it’s already no secret I have a shopping problem. It’s been something that’s been apparent for most of my life. I’m not even sure who first encouraged this habit of mine, it’s gone on so long. But here we are and I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon, so let’s just embrace it shall we?

This brings me to my favorite word: “SALE”. I’m a jersey girl and a bargain hunter at heart. I hate paying retail, ever. This tweet from mother monster speaks more to my soul than most things in this world, and sums me up nicely.

She. Gets. It.

Naturally, I’m drawn to sample sales. I don’t frequent them often, because I also hate people. These things are normally crowded and overwhelming. If you’re not ready to fight for the things you want, this is NOT the scene for you. And sometimes they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. I’ve gone to a few of The Rebecca Minkoff sample sales, and sometimes walked away empty handed (and sad. So sad) or with one thing.

This sale? Girllll you betta RUN. Its the first one in years I walked out with more than one thing, and am highly considering returning when prices get marked down even further.

Why this sale is good: ACTUAL SAMPLES. A lot of “sample sales” are just merchandise that they couldn’t sell at retail. While there is plenty of that here, but when I went there were PLENTY of actual sample bags that were deeply discounted. Like this one below I bought. A bag like this normally retails at around $300, and I got it for a price not even CLOSE.

What to expect:

  • A lot of MAC mini, backpacks, and satchels. The tables are FULL of them in a rainbow of colors. Just don’t expect a lot of neutrals. But if you’re looking for a fun or different color, this is the place.
  • Shoes! Some cute booties and flats, some embellished
  • Clothes – sweaters, some coats, a lot of tops, sweatshirt
  • A table of samples in the back. Various states of the bags, which will dictate price point. This is the hardest to predict, but can have the biggest reward
  • Accessories – jewelry, wallets, and card cases galore
  • Probably a line. It comes with the territory

What I think is worth it: go straight back to the sample table. It might be slim pickings depending on when you go, but they were restocking it Monday as they day went on, so you never know. The MAB and MAC bags are a staple and so versatile, so those are absolutely worth a look. The wallets are VERY CHEAP so def give that bin a look through.

Pro tip: Later in the week, the items tend to get marked down even further, making it worth a second trip. Watch 260 sample sale or my new fave sample sale savant (insta – @mostlyblack_) and rush back there.

And here are some gratuitous pictures of other things I bought at the sale, because of course I didn’t leave with just one thing.