Trend Tuesday: designers are trying to sell you ordinary things and it’s BS

Designers are trying to oversell you on crap you already have in your home.

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IDK why – but some high end designers are trying to sell you some ordinary shit but call it fancy and charge you the blood of your enemies and your firstborn child.  Listen, I’ll sell my soul for a Celine trapeze bag, but like, everyday shit? You better believe I am looking for a sale. I’m not trying to go broke over here, even if my spending habits say otherwise.  And that’s just for things I need – like food, work clothes so I don’t look like a hobo, student loan bills despite my lack of use of my degrees, etc.  But like, things I will neverrrr use? Forget it.  Especially when its like, things I would throw away.  Why are we wasting money and resources on this? Let’s take a look at this questionable design choices.

Tiffany’s

Ah, Tiffany’s.  The jewelry choice of every middle school girl in the 2000’s. Everyone and their mother had those “Please return to Tiffany’s” tag bracelets.  The brand has evolved since then, and now it includes what they are calling “Everyday Objects”.  Its exactly how it sounds – they are normal things, not very special. Except the price tag.

Check this out.  Here is a crazy straw.  Yes, it is very different than the ones you get in a 12 pack for little kid birthday parties goodie bags (side note – can we get an adult version of those?). BUT WHO IS PAYING $250 FOR THESE?! Not rhetorical, I want to know if you’ve purchased this. So we can be friends/get married.  You know, casual. See where things go.  On the other hand, I can almost get behind this. Its whimsy, its cute. A nice conversation starter. Not very useful.

Ah look, an ice cream scoop.  That costs $375.  I’m not cheap, but if I’m paying that much for an ice cream scoop, it better come with unlimited Halo Top for life.  Also, if we are friends and you put this on your wedding registry, so help you god.

BUT – IT GETS BETTER. Or worse, depending on your perspective.

Yup. Its a protractor.  A fucking. $425. Protractor.  Now, other than elementary school kids and maybe architects, IDK who is using these things.  If you are an architect, then maybe this is a cute gift.  If you are buying this for your 3rd grader, I am judging the shit out of you.

There are more of these, but this was all I could emotionally handle. Check them out for yourself and let me know which is your favorite, or the worst one, if they’re not the same.

Moschino

Now, Moschino has been a favorite fashion house of mine.  They have been whismy as well in recent collections, and their play on McDonald’s I thought was super cute and fun. Their runway looks are always a highlight of any fashion week, and I envy all their RTW that I see on every housewives show.  Looking at you, Erica Jane. But THIS, this is not ok.

Yes, this is a dress that looks like a dry-cleaning bag.  Its being sold for the small price of almost $900. What could have been just a nice runway look, they are now trying to make happen.  Stop trying to make fetch happen Moschino, its not going to happen. Let us also note that this comes with no slip.  You are literally buying a dry-cleaning bag, and that’s it.

If that is just a tad out of your price range, you always have this option.  Which essentially is a black dress that looks like its trying to strangle you with a dry cleaning hanger. Cute.

If anyone has tried these on, or even better, purchased any of these, let me know in the comments. So we can be friends.  Because clearly you have a lot of disposable income, and I have a lot of debt.

Women Entrepreneurs who EFFING GET IT

Lets discuss some BAMF female business owners, and the quality products that magically end up at my door.

I’ve always been a feminist, before I even truly knew what the word meant. I️ can probably trace it back to my love for the Spice Girls and all things girl power, if we are being honest. (FYI- feminism really just means equality for women. Like. So men and women can be equal. Not that men are the devil. EQUALITY. Just so we are all on the same page. Moving on). I also love shopping, jewelry, the F bomb, sarcasm, and all things girly. So when I find a company that not only incorporates all of these things and speaks to my soul but is ALSO run by a BAMF female, I lose my shit. In a good way. And I’ve found a few of them lately that not only are female run from the ground up, but have quality products. I can attest to that because I’ve bought a few from each company. (Note – this is not a sponsored post BUT DOES CONTAIN ONE AFFILIATE LINK where I can earn points if you buy from Metal Marvels, but merely me giving credit to women who are awesome and have my credit card on file)

Metal Marvels A company run by a bad ass named Katie, Metal Marvels specializes in jewelry and accessories.  Sounds pretty standard, right? WRONG. Metal Marvels has a line called Expletives (R) which features adorable bangles with a lot of curse words on them. But it’s not just random swearing all the time, so many of them sport words of encouragement and empowerment. And a few of them just have the F word all over them, which of course I love.  I even bought a necklace of hers that says the same.  If cursing isn’t your thing (in which case, I am not sure how you made it this far in my blog, but thanks for not judging!) there are many others that do not have any cusses on them, but are just are wonderful.  So many of the bangles have female positive mantras on them, while others simply say things like “Dog mom AF”, so there’s something for everyone. I currently own 2 bangles and a necklace, and have another bangle en route to me as we speak.  Its safe to say I’m a fan.

Not only do the words on these bangles (and mugs!) speak to my soul, but they are amazing quality.  They are adjustable but not the cheap kind where you tighten it once and then its ruined.  These are good quality that you can wear daily depending on whats written on them and how chill your HR department is.  She also ships SO QUICK which for an impatient brat like me, is a nice added bonus.  Plus, if you join her VIP mailing list, she sends out coupon codes so you can feel less guilty about your online shopping habit.  Metal Marvels keeps teasing some new products that are coming Black Friday, so def head over to her site and sign up ASAP.  ‘Tis the season….for shopping. Duh.

Evil QueenEvil Queen, run by Ida, makes candles with a LOT of sass. Obviously, that’s something I love and appreciate. The names of the candles are super witty (ex. Bitches who Brunch, Exhale the Bullshit, Calm Down, etc.).  But also – these smell AMAZING. Not overpowering, but also just so good.  I recently purchased two, Dog Mom (because duh) and Wisdom (because I am a huge nerd. Judge me for it, see how that one goes). The Wisdom candle is from her Harry Potter inspired line. Its a gorgeous candle, and the juniper and mint scent combo is perfection.

These candles are SUPER CUTE, and are also handmade.  Like, not mass produced.  It gives it a nice special touch, I think.  Especially since i am not that talented or patient to learn how to make candles.  And like, GOOD candles at that. They are also made from soy wax, making them vegan and non toxic. That’s PERFECT for all you bougie millennials out there. Environmentally friendly and cute – those are some wins all around. And look at the little inspirational cards with each candle! Ugh. You can never have enough candles, right? Because my room is about to be filled.

CZNDCZND is a company that is centered around strong women.  They partner with women entrepreneurs, celebs, and influencers to develop their products. And let me tell you, their products are bad. ass.  From notebooks to mugs to candles (made by Evil Queen!), they really have something for everyone.  They even have a Legally Blonde line, and of course I had to grab something from there.  I try to emulate Elle Woods on the regular so it was a must.  Not to mention a line in collaboration with Bethenny Frankel, who is a BOSS in every single right.  She’s also doing a shit ton for Puerto Rico right now, which is incredible.  Check it out.

Not only do they have cute and inspiring apparel and accessories, they just recently came out with a fitness line called “The Body Department” and you bet your ASS next payday I will be buying their “f*ck off” leggings.  If a company is really trying to get me to buy their products, this is the way to do it. Literally combine all of my favorite things into products that I will actually use.  You’ve done it, CZND.  My bank statement will start to know your name more often, That’s for sure.

And there you have it – three women centered companies that I am crushing on.  Know any other companies I should check out? Love these? Comment and let me know!

Wedding weekend at Oheka Castle 

One of my law school friends got married this weekend, and I went into it being excited for the food and the booze, but also indifferent since it’s the time in my life where everyone and their mother is getting married. Except me. It’s still just the dog and I, people.

Since my life lately has been non stop bridal showers and engagement parties and weddings that I’m like. Ok. What’s gonna be so special about this one? I’m happy for them and all, but like. I would rather be watching Netflix. With the dog. Is this why I’m single? Anyway.

But this wedding my darlings? Did not fucking disappoint. First off, the venue. It was at a god damn CASTLE. And not one of these new venues posing as one. This is a place on Long Island that used to be someone’s SUMMER HOME and is absolutely GORG and now is a friggen landmark. You can read about it here.

Guys. There was a dessert room. A whole damn room. Just. For. Desserts. To say I was happy was an understatement. Dessert room aside, the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. They were so happy it was both contagious and disgusting.  The band was great. All around, an A+.  But it wasn’t totally smooth sailing.

For starters, the hotel check in was at 4pm. And the shuttle for the venue? Leaving at 4:15pm. And we weren’t granted an early check in. So I did my make up IN MY CAR. And you know what? It turned out pretty good.

Here is the finished product:


Not too shabby, all things considered.  And below is everything I used for my in-car makeup look.  They are some of my favorite products and served me very well.

tarte Twinkle Lighting Pallet

I was in a vehicle and didn’t want to FULLY contour, so this gave me some glow and bronze without going crazy.  The colors blend so well, and this pallet smells DELICIOUS.  I can’t describe it, but it smells so good.

tarte rainforest of the sea eyeshadow pallet

These colors are fairly neutral but still have a nice shine to them. Also they stayed on ALL NIGHT through dancing and eating everything in sight.  My makeup remover wipes were covered in eyeshadow, and I’ll call that a win any day.

Anastasia Brow Wiz

This. is. MAGIC.  I have brows that are a little sparse due to tweezing and waxing that was done when I was younger (not for long though, that shit HURT. I’ve been rocking this natural and thick look for a while.) BUT – this makes them look fuller and not overly filled.  Plus it lasts all day so you don’t look like a weirdo halfway through an event.

Urban Decay Perversion Mascara

Mascara that is as BLACK AS MY SOUL and doesn’t clump.  Doesn’t smudge off your eyelashes later in the night. Gives you fuller lashes.  What else can you ask for from a mascara? Other than it stopping your mother from nagging you, not much.

Stila Stay All Day waterproof liquid eyeliner

I keep trying other liquid eye liners, but I always go back to this one.  The tip on this eyeliner is perfect and precise.  You don’t end up accidentally looking like a raccoon because it ends up bleeding all over – it stays put and dries real quick.  It’s a pretty foolproof liquid eyeliner, and that’s coming from someone who is normally a klutz with this stuff.

Dose of Colors liquid lipstick in truffle

I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS STUFF. This was my gateway into liquid lipstick and I have not turned back.  This stuff is so so good – literally lasts all day, goes on smooth, not sticky at all. AND THE COLOR. UGH. Also it runs at $18 and is so worth itttttt. Not like some of these other liquid lipsticks I may or may not own….

Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer

I have oily/combination skin and this stuff doesn’t add ANY shine and is the perfect primer. It helps my foundation go on SMOOTH AS BUTTA. I carry this tiny tube for easy travel but obvs it comes in a bigger size….

MAC Matchmaster foundation

Finding a good foundation has always been a struggle because freckles, but this foundation is EVERYTHING. IT doesn’t overpower my freckles to the point where my face looks ridiculous, but also just makes my skin look flawless. Like, naturally flawless. Not like you just caked on foundation.

Benefit Cosmetics Boi-ing HydratingConcealer

This is another product I keep finding myself circling back to. Its so easy to apply and provides perfect coverage. Good for use with foundation or on the morning in the bus when you haven’t slept because your dog decides all night long he needs to switch up his position and climb over you every. single. hour. It also doesn’t dry out your skin, which is wonderful.

Tory Burch Rollerball

I love this scent so much I have the full sized AND rollerball to carry with me. Its both fruity and floral without being too overpowering in the citrus department or making you smell like an old woman (you know what I mean).


And there you have it! All the things that made me look put together while doing my make up in a car, the most ideal places. But, nice to know that these products will get the job done.

Trend Tuesday: the pin craze that was cool in middle school is back

Every Tuesday I’ll discuss current trends: the good, the bad, and the god awful.

Remember in middle school when you had that goth/punk phase and you had pins with quotes on them all over your bag and jackets? No? Just me? Ok. Cool. Anyway….

WHAT ARE THESE THINGS: Adorable enamel pins with the likeness of everything you can imagine. These cute little things are back – and improved! These new shops are probably popping up all over your instagram feed as often as Kylie pregnancy conspiracy theories. Basically anything you love or have ever loved, someone has made into a pin. From cartoons to cult films to a cute one I found of a La Croix can, if you love it, it’s in pin form.

WHERE TO PUT THEM: I personally have mine on a mini backpack.  I’ve seen people put them on denim jackets, backpacks, and cork boards for starters.  So really, have at it! Throw them on your gym bag to add something different to that all black tote.  Add a few cute ones to your cubical at work to remind you of your will to live.

WHERE TO FIND THEM: Instead of just going to your local Hot Topic, you can hop on Etsy and find some that better suit your adult interests.  Go on insta and search any pin hashtag or whatever interests you and you’re bound to run into something, and add a little color to your wardrobe or accessories. If you’re like me, your soul is still black, but your outsides are a little brighter.  Kind of.  Ok listen my wardrobe is mostly black but I live in New York so thats our uniform, ok? I’ll link some of the sellers I’ve found that I love here, and on my Insta!

SOME I OWN:

LOOK – ITS JOEY AND CHANDLER IN THE CANOE!


And because I am a closeted  geek – some Harry Potter ones.

These are just a few of the ones I’ve collected/impulse bought at 1am. A lot of these companies are also bringing back stickers, iron on patches, and the like.  So if the pins aren’t your jam, I’m sure you’ll be able to find something else you love.

Have you found any of these adorable little pins that you love? What would YOU like to see turned into a pin? It could be a movie quote, your favorite GOT character (idk, I don’t watch), a throwback to a cartoon, whatever. Let me know in the comments!